ACT ONE: The Beginning

In this game, you can:
- Interact or Talk with things
- Analyze things or surroundings
- Obtain or Drop things
- Combine things in your inventory
- Ask for help with most anything

You have 4 item slots to hold things, and a brain to come up with anything you can do. Respond when you are ready to begin.

omg wow

You are Marvs Stenn, and you are feeling rather solid today. You are currently standing in a room. From your perspective, it contains a table, a chair, and two doors, one of which is to your left and the other to your right. Nothing is on your mind at the moment.

In the face of a world containing a semi-infinite amount of opportunity, what do you do?

Dream of crab apples

While it seems you cannot fall asleep just yet, you look back on crab apples with fondness and familiarity. Oh, how each succulent bite would bring you joy in a million ways...

This is, of course, in spite of the fact that you've never had crab apples. You literally came into existence today, after all.

Attempt to conjure up some crab apples.

You attempt to summon some crab apples on the nearby table to little avail. All you manage to create is a small, depressing burn mark. Will you ever find your precious crab apples in this crazy place?

Give up and cry

You give up on trying to summon things and instead decide that it would be quite productive to simply wallow in your own self-pity. The world is such a cruel, crab apple-less place.

Stop crying, it's pathetic

Yeah, that's right! You are Marvs Stenn! A solid person like yourself isn't one to cry in such a weak manner! Solid people never feel the need to cry, and you would like to uphold this belief.

Burn the table, forget the dread that came with the lack of crab apples and never feel the need to cry again

You can't burn the table as you have nothing to burn it with! You are also unable to get the past to stop haunting you or predict the future in any capacity.

It seems as though you will have to live with what you have for now.

Kick the table for lack of crab apples, then yourself for lack of fire.

It seems as though a beating is in order. That table won't get away with not having crab apples on it, and neither will you for not being able to magically conjure up fire. You kick the table with great force and then kick yourself in the balls for good measure.

Writhe in pain, but don't cry, don't be pathetic

You writhe in pain once more, sans the crying. You'd hate to look anything but strong and solid, just as you feel right now.

You begin to realize that this is getting you nowhere.

Get up and go through the door directly behind you, stop wasting time!! >:O

There are two doors directly behind you!

But which one to enter...

Go through the door you are staring at right now!!! Time waster!! >:0

You open the door on the right.

Look in any and all cabinets for any and all crab apples

You open the first cabinet you see. Inside, there is:

One (1) bottle of olive oil.
One (1) feather.

You may take these items if you wish.

Take the OLIVE OIL.

>:]

Please tell me which one you want to do.

Take the OLIVE OIL (>:]).

You place the bottle of olive oil into your first inventory slot, as well as make a funny face.

Check the oven for goodies

You open the oven and find... nothing. You suppose that makes a little bit of sense.

Perhaps you could use the oven later if you get a hankerin' for some baking.

Close the oven and go in searcher for a microwave

*search

Which one?????

Close the oven and go in SEARCH for a microwave

What the heck is a SEARCH, and how do you go inside of one? The notion that you could find a microwave in a nonexistent object such as a SEARCH strikes you as preposterous, and you disregard this train of thought immediately.

GO AND SEACH FOR THE MICROWAVE

Okay, well, despite the fact that you have not found a microwave before, meaning that you cannot find THE microwave, you shut the oven and begin to look around for A microwave.

You peruse the contents of the countertop, as this is normally a microwave's natural habitat. All you find, however, is one (1) plastic cup.

If possible, consume the plastic cup

Unfortunately, it was possible. You feel a little sick.

The cup has been added to your stomach.

Stumble through the other door (bros left?) visit the other side

For future reference, you may use the camera as a reference point when saying something is to the left or to the right.

However, from your perspective, there is only one door here, and it is the one you just came through!

That is not a valid command. Your prompt may not contain:
- Images

:D -> ._.

Go back through door that you came through

You walk back through the way you came.

Welcome back.

Go in the other door, loser

To assert yourself as a loser no more, you kick open the door with a resounding "bonk."

Inspect pointy thingy

Upon closer inspection, this is no pointy thingy. It is one (1) replica of the Eiffel Tower. Or, you think it is. You've never actually seen the Eiffel Tower. You just know it kind of looks like a big pointy spire.

Stab your hand viscously on the point.

You can't do that, as your hand doesn't have a very high viscosity! Instead, you just try to stab your hand by slamming down hard on the point.

It doesn't really hurt, as the pointy end is relatively blunt. Your masochist tendencies are left unfulfilled for now.

Do the same thing but with your head

That one hurt a bit more.

Your tendencies are finally fulfilled.

Celebrate by chugging olive oil

Yippee! What a glorious day it is to be intentionally harming yourself! You take a jovial swig from your bottle of olive oil, overwriting your stomach's contents with plain old olive oil.

Check the time and ignore everything else

You take a gander at the clock on the wall. It reads "1:46," but the clock is actually broken! It hasn't ticked a single time since you've entered this room. You guess you'll never know what time it is, at least for now.

Throw the Eiffel tower at it in disgust and rage

Despite its scrawny appearance, this thing is solid metal! To think that your puny little stick arms could lift something this heavy would be outrageous!

You do work up a good sweat, though.

Give up and dance

Ooh, cha-cha, shimmy, yeah!

To distract yourself from your repeated failures, you cook up some mean dance moves! You are the king of the dance floor!

Sweet moves little man, now focus your tiny attention span on the tiny door!!

After referring to yourself in the third person, you direct your attention to the small door underneath the shelf. What a lovely little entryway! It reminds you of something that a jumping mouse would enter.

Next to it, a small plaque is mounted on the wall.

Poke Le plaque

With a swing of your finger, you poke the plaque successfully. It seems to read "NOME HOME," but you haven't the slightest clue what that could mean.

Knock on tiny door politely

You gently rap on the small door a few times. Nothing appears to happen immediately.

Rap on the small door

At a loss for something else to do, you continue to lightly batter the door with your fist. Boy, do you love knocking.

A faint creaking sound can be heard.

Rap on the door again, but like the singing kind of rap 👨🏻‍🎤 🤘🏻

Yo, yo, check it!

My name is Marvs Stenn, and I'm here to say...
I like door knocking in a major way!
I knock on doors all day and night...
If I stop, I'm in for a... uh... a uh... hmm...

Eh, you'll come up with something later.

Stare at door and wait for anything to happen

You stare intensely at the small door. Maybe too intensely. Through the door, you can hear the muffled sound of footsteps.

Break the door down

This door is in for a beating.

Oh yeah, bust it down

Well, that's what you would do if the little man inside the door didn't sock you in the face.

Don't cry, despite the pain. Consult the little man like the solid guy you are.

Feeling extra solid, you decide to reason with this spicy little guy. Spicy like feisty, not the other way. That'd be weird.

You now have unlocked conversations. You may choose to directly talk with surrounding people by enclosing your message in quotation marks.

Converse openly with little man

Weren't you already about to do this? Restating your actions doesn't seem to be a very productive practice. And that guy seems steamed, so you better say or do something fast.

Just do it already 😑

My brother in crust...

YOU must be the conversater. You must directly converse with the little fellow, lest he beat you like a small child with horrible parents.

let the little man beat you then

You are now being beaten by the little man.

Your relative health traverses downwards.

Wriggle away

After a bit of wriggling, you successfully evade the angry guy. He's not quite done with you yet, though.

Vomit up olive oil from earlier to throw him off

You attempt to vomit by punching yourself in the gut. You don't vomit, but it does confuse the man greatly. His anger lowers.

If you still wish to vomit, you'd need something to help you do it.

"Little man, help me vomit"

You have engaged in a conversation with Little Man.

"W... what? Why?"

"Do it man, help me!! Be helpful!" >:[

LM: "No! Why would I help a scumbag like you after what you did to my door? Also, no, that's disgusting."

"Come on dude! You can slop up the stuff after I puke it out!"

LM: "Slop up?? What do you think I am, a hog? Just... ugh, nevermind."

The Little Man walks off to re-enter his supposed residence. At least you got him to stop beating you to a pulp.

Grab the little man by the shoulder and turn him around.

You tenderly turn around the Little Man by the shoulder.

"Tell me where the c r a b a p p l e s are."

The Little Man slaps your hand from his shoulder that really never existed in the first place.

LM: "...what do you know about the Crab Apples?"

"Not a lot. But I want them."

LM: "Well, sorry, buster. No one can just walk on up and take the Crab Apples without some serious consequences. Besides, it's not like I know where they are. If I did, I probably wouldn't still be living in the wall, now would I?"

Cry, cry, this is your time to cry. Screw being pathetic, this is genuinely upsetting and is something to cry about.

Finally, your time has come! The waterworks begin, leaving the Little Man in a state of confusion and sadness. He just stares at you while you wallow on the floor.

Wipe your eyes as if you are about to stop crying, but then just sob even harder.

You wipe your sullen eyes just to continue crying yourself a river. Such a tragedy. The Little Man speaks up.

LM: "Hey, listen. I don't really understand why or how you're crying this much, but I'm sure things will work out for ya. And, listen, I'm sorry about lashing out at you earlier. That was rude of me."

Grab the little man and cry on him dramatically, as if you were close friends and this was a dramatic movie.

To remedy your sadness, you decide it is best to violate the Little Man's personal space by launching yourself at him. It looks like all you needed was a non-existant shoulder to cry on.

The Little Man simply stands there at a loss for words.

Shake the little man whilst sobbing, shake him violently.

You would do that, but you've just run out of tears! If you wish to cry again, you must find a way to hydrate. Instead of crying, however, the olive oil in your stomach pours out of your eyes. It burns a little.

Oh, and you shake the Little Man for good measure.

Wipe the oil tears and peak under the little man's hat (for goodies).

You dry off your tears and attempt to lift up the hat-like structure atop the Little Man's head. However, it seems that his hat is merely hair! You tussle it gently, but find no such goodies.

Put the little man in inventory thing

You cannot put him in your inventory as he has not consented to it! You will need him to agree to be put in there if you wish to carry him around. In the emotional state you've left him in, you doubt it will be easy to convince him.

"Please get in my inventory, I'm pathetic."

LM: "Why the hell would I agree to that."

"Cause we're best buds, chums for life, little man and Marvs! You gotta do it so we can go on sweet and epic adventures all over the world!!! Or- well this house thing I guess since idk where the exit is."

LM: "Heh, you really don't know where you are, huh? You don't have any idea how preposterous that sounds. You're not going to find many 'sweet and epic adventures' around here, bud."

"Ok fine, we'll go on boring and lame adventures instead!!!" Now do a flip to asset dominance into the little man, instill fear.

You attempt a flip to create an asset of dominant status, but all you manage to instill into the Little Man is that you're a doofus who sucks at backflips.

Your relative health lowers slightly.

Give up and frown disapprovingly at the little man.

You stand back up, unshaken by your recent failure. Rather than dwell on what is already done, you simply give the Little Man a disapproving glare. He speaks up in response.

LM: "Yeah, I honestly don't understand what's happening anymore."

"Just come with me, man." Keep frowning disapprovingly, cause it makes you look awesome.

You continue glaring at the Little Man.

LM: "What could I possibly stand to gain from coming with you? I've got a life, you know. I can't just toss it away if an idiot like you comes knocking. Literally!"

"Crab apples."

LM: "...you really serious about looking for them?"

"Yeah. With YOU."

LM: "Hmph. It's likely to be a dangerous mission, but what do I know? Maybe I need an adventure every now and then. Heh, sure, kid. I'll come with you. But, first, what's your name? I dont think we've been introduced to each other yet."

"YEAH!" Celebratory dance time "MY NAMES MARVS!!"

What a JOYUS occasion! In celebration of the fact that this strange fellow has agreed to travel with you in your quest for crab apples, you bust a move! Choo-choo cha-cha! The Little Man facepalms at the sight of such killer motions.

LM: *Sigh...* "Marvs, huh? Alright. I'm Noman, nice to meetcha. I advise that we set off soon. These Crab Apples aren't going to get themselves."

"Alright, hold my hand little man." Look at the little man all cool like. >;]

You reach out to Noman with all of the smug vigor in the world.

N: "Heh, let's do this."

END OF ACT ONE

ACT TWO: The Beginning, Again

In this game, you can:
- Interact or Talk with things
- Analyze things or surroundings
- Obtain or Drop things
- Combine things in your inventory
- Ask for help with most anything

You have 4 item slots to hold things and a brain to come up with anything you can do. Respond when you are ready to begin.

(Please note that you are the second player, and as such, you may not receive messages as fast.)

Ok 😀👍

You are Lance Smosh. You are currently standing in a room. From your perspective, it contains a table, a stool, a door to the right, and one of those kitchen suedo-window holes. You are feeling rather "Joyus" at the moment.

In the face of a world containing a semi-infinite amount of possibility, what do you do?

Sit down and read the note

You take a seat on the nearby stool and see a note on the table. You hold it up to your face to get a better look at it. The note reads:

"RESERVED FOR MR. J"

You suddenly don't feel so comfortable sitting here.

Look out window

/ hole in wall

Please tell me which one you want to do.

Window

...window? What kind of an idea is that? You see that there is a window in this room, but without any further context, you are at a loss of what to do!

Look out the window please my good sir.

You put the note back down on the table. You stand on the table and take a gander out of the window-like kitchen hole. On the other side, you don't see anything but a white void. If you were to change your perspective, however, you might see something different.

Change the prospective to see out the window

To align with your current view-oriented dreams, you decide to change your prospects of the future. You determine that there is a likelihood of changing your perspective, but you will need to figure out a way to do so.

Prospects aside, you can smell something faintly on the other side of the hole.

Give up and lay on chest

You decide to let go of the current subject and lay down on the floor instead. This is much more comfortable than standing on a table, you think. Though, you have to admit that your mouth feels less sanitary.

Eat a piece of the floor

You put your mouth to good use and clamp it onto the cold surface of the floor. Your teeth are affixed to it in no time, and you stand up to admire your work. The chunk of the floor comes out, and there is now a hole there.

You may choose to put the piece of floor in your inventory or discard it.

Put piece of floor in inventory

You place the piece of floor in your top left inventory slot. With the floor out of your mouth, you can see the hole better. Just like the kitchen hole, the regular hole houses a white void. You don't doubt that there could be something down there, though.

Jump down the hole in the floor

You jump into the hole and fall down onto a sturdy suspended platform. It's dark down here. You take a look around and see that there are several other platforms around this one. They are all covered with various things.

Turn on the lamp

You pull the lamp cord, but it doesn't turn on. You look inside the lamp and find that it doesn't have a light bulb inside of it.

Kick the lamp off the ledge in rage

Yeah, screw this lamp for not working! You kick the lamp into the abyss with a swift motion of your foot. You won't be seeing that thing again soon, that's for sure.

Inspect the bottom right side of the platform

Bottom right? You're quite sure that there is nothing over here, and there never will be. To think that something could call this spot its home would be scandalous! This is, of course, only relative to what you can see at the moment. Perhaps there could be a way to "turn things around..."

Rotate view 180 degrees

Woah.

Your perspective has changed. Now, you can see a ladder in front of you that descends off of the platform.

Descend down the ladder

You begin your descent down the rope ladder. It wobbles more and more the farther you climb down. There is no end in sight, but you could keep climbing down anyway.

Keep Descending

After what felt like an eternity of descent, you reach what you presume to be the ground. A large stone platform below you rests atop an even larger field of grass. Your surroundings are eerie and coated in a thick layer of fog.

Take a huge sniff of the air

Obviously, a place like this deserves a big old sniff from the schnoz! By doing so, a massive helping of thick fog is placed into the left slot of your lungs.

Try to turn on lamppost

After a bit of investigation, you find that this isn't a lamppost at all! It's a bulbpost, and as such, it is only meant to store lightbulbs. It doesn't have any sort of "on" function, so your chances of getting some light down here are little to none.

Realize that you made a mistake by getting rid of the lamp upstairs

You realize this.

You also realize that you just kicked the lamp off the platform, meaning that it is likely down here somewhere. You suppose you could look for it, but it may be in a less-than-optimal condition.

Look for more lamps in the box to your right

You open the box to your right by the flaps on top of it. Inside, you find no trace of any lamps. However, you do find:

One (1) clean sock.
One (1) bruised pineapple.
Two (2) old thermometers.
One (1) scrap of paper.

Looks like quite the haul. It's up to you what to take.

Take the thermometers

You decide to take the thermometers. You place them into your top right inventory slot. Since they can both fit, the inventory slot is split into two vertical inventory slotlets.

Ponder why the box doesn't have any railroad spikes

Ah, railroad spikes. You've always wanted to have one, so it's a real shame that this box didn't contain any. But, you can't help but think about them. It's something about their large nail-like appearance that really catches your eye.

Throw pineapple at the floor to bruise it even more

You take the pineapple out of the box and give it a hearty toss. It lands on the stone platform, successfully battering the bottom of it.

Continue to beat the crap out of the pineapple

You decide to take out your inherent rage on the poor pineapple. Your murderous tendencies are getting more fulfilled by the second! It's practically mush by now.

Rip open pineapple and devour it in one bite

You rip open the pineapple, murderous tendencies finally satisfied. Inside, a thick pulp settles onto the stone flooring beneath you. In addition, a strange metal rod lies on the ground, covered in pulp. It has some kind of engraving or indentation embedded into its metallic surface that resembles an exclamation mark.

You could still eat the pineapple, but you aren't so sure about that, considering its inedible contents. Also, the skin would poke your mouth!

Don't eat pineapple, instead eat strange metal rod

You eat the rod.

You don't feel good about it, but you do.

Spin your view around to look inside the box to the bottom right

Your perception of the world changes. At first, you didn't see any kind of box at the bottom right. You still don't, but now you see a different box near the top left of the stone platform.

Investigate the box in the top left

You open the newly-found box. It yields:

One (1) traffic cone.
Two (2) temporal bandages.
One (1) rock.

Chuck rock at strange thing in the backyard

You don't have a rock or a backyard! If you want to utilize either of them, they'd need to be in your inventory first.

Take the rock and put it in your inventory

You pick up the rock from out of the box and put it into your bottom left inventory slot. Due to the rock's small scale, the slot is cut into 4 slotlets, and the rock is placed in the top left of the bottom left slot.
You look out into the distance. Come to think of it, that strange thing looks like you should throw a rock at it.

Now throw the rock with maximum strength

You throw the rock as hard as you can, which honestly is not very hard. Nevertheless, you manage to hit the strange object. The rock bounces off of it with a metallic "bonk." That's ten points for you, you suppose.

Rotate view again

Your surroundings feel different yet familiar.

Climb up ladder

Skipping the actual climbing part, you arrive safely at the top of the ladder. You notice that it's a little brighter up here by comparison.

Change view once more

Perspective really is a magical thing.

Input 888 into the safe

Upon closer inspection, you find that the safe does not host anything to facilitate the input of numbers! Instead, the lock has a keyhole in the middle of a dial with a small marking on it. The dial can rotate all the way around, and, given the right key, you presume the center can as well.

Turn the safe around to see the back

You don't even need to try to know that this safe is way too heavy for you to rotate, let alone move at all. Attempting to do so would only waste time and energy for no reason. If you want access to the back, you'll need to get creative.

Push the safe off the ledge

You attempt to move the safe against your previous notion. As you expected, the safe doesn't budge. Even if you did shove the safe off successfully, you doubt it would be damaged at all.

You know what time it is, rotate the view

You get the feeling that, somewhere, the time is 1:46.

Never mind the time! Quick pull the rope ladder up onto the platform

After a good half hour of physical labor, you finally manage to get all of the rope ladder up and onto the platform. Your back hurts like hell, but you think it was worth it.

Try and put the ladder so that it leads out the hole in the roof

You give the end of the ladder a hearty toss up the ceiling hole. It goes right through, and you can hear it land on the floor above you.

Climb up the ladder and into the starting room

You begin to board the ladder's vertical surface only to find that your unsecured ladder slides off of the upper floor upon receiving any amount of physical pressure. The ladder starts to fall to the ground, defeated. It looks like you won't be climbing this thing unless you can find a better way to keep it up there.

Physics exists? Who knew!

Throw ladder back up but this time also throw box (top right) on top of that

You throw the ladder back through the hole. You try to lift the box to throw it up as well, but try as you might, the box stays put. It's quite heavy. It must be due to its contents.

Dump out the box's contents onto the floor

Considering the fact that you're on a platform and the actual floor happens to be below you, you push the box over and spill dozens of lightbulbs off of the ledge. You hope you didn't need dozens of lightbulbs for anything.

Now try and throw the box to the top of the ladder

With the box's new, lightened stature, you toss it up the hole with ease. To your surprise and satisfaction, it lands just where you need it to! However, considering it is an empty cardboard box, you doubt the ladder could hold under your full weight just yet.

Jump up and out the hole in the roof

Goodness gracious, what a preposterous idea! To imagine that you could jump anywhere close to that hole is a ludicrous notion, and you would prefer to choke on an apple skin than entertain this idea for any more time than you have already given it. Besides, even if you were to jump off of anything, you couldn't even reach the climable portion of your weak ladder!

Flip the room upside down

Wow, you really feel like you've turned your life around!

Now try and climb the ladder

You give the ladder a small tug to find that your second attempt at climbing failed miserably. Physics strikes again! Except now it's upside down, I guess.

Use the folded ip ladder as step stool and then jump through the hole

That idea is nigh impossible! Here, allow me to expand your viewing arrangement temporarily so that you may fully grasp the distance between you and the hole you are attempting to jump towards.

Stack the ladder on top of the safe and the box on top of the ladder

Safe? You're quite sure there has never been a safe on this humble platform at any point in time. This is evident from the fact that there is no visible safe at all whatsoever. Where did you even get the idea of a safe from? Golly, this sure is your lowest of low, thinking such fabricated thoughts.

Try and climb the poles holding up the platform you are on to reach the hole

Finally, something that might work! Using your suedo-expert climbing skills, you scale the closest and only pole you can see. The hole is within your grasp at last! All that is left to do is get to it somehow.

Jump for your life by boy!

Jump for you life *my boy

Please restate the prompt.

Jump for your life my boy!

You leap out towards the light of escape, familiar horizons only an inch from your grasp. You get the feeling that this was all worth it.

END OF ACT TWO

ACT THREE: The Jaunt of Epic Proportions

Shove the little man in inventory and leave the room, through the normal sized door.

In an act of very slight betrayal, you smush Noman into your first inventory slot. After doing so, you open the door you entered before and re-enter a very familiar space.

Go back into the other room (right)(sorry Noman :]), stare at chair suspiciously while doing so.

While you enter the rightmost door for the second time, you make sure to eye the suspicious-looking chair. It knows what it did. However, once you enter the room, you lose sight of the chair. It seems to just be a white void through the doorframe now. That doesn't stop you from staring at the spot where it once was, though.

Now focus your attention on the weird sticky note looking throng above the cabinets

Sticky note-looking throng? Above the cabinets? You are quite sure that a large group of people could not fit above a cabinet, nor look like any form of paper. That would be an outlandish idea, and you refuse to consider it outright. Throng? Psh-shaw!

AHEM. Sticky note looking THING, please observe it.

After looking around a bit, your eyes find themselves peering at a sticky note on a weird wall protrusion above the cabinets. You can't reach it, but you can make out what it says. It reads, "reserved for Ms. T." You wonder who that could be and why that specific part of the wall is reserved for her.

Get little man outta inventory and use him to help take sticky note down, this is my house now, partner.

You take Noman out of your inventory so that he may assist you in obtaining the sticky note. However, when you do, you find that a white box is obstructing your view of the note! If you still want it, you must wait until this mysterious box disappears.

Wait absentmindedly for the white box to leave you and little man alone.

The box disappears, and you hop up onto the sink. You put Noman on your head for MAXIMUM ALTITUDE! He successfully reaches the note.

This calls for a celebratory dance with little man!!!! >:]]]

Ooooooh! Cha-cha doopity doo! You really are the top dancer out of everyone ever! Unfortunately, Noman is unimpressed as hell. But that won't stop you from dancing the night away!

Noman takes the sticky note.

"Wicked sauce my dude!" High five little man and look for anything plot relevant.

You give your homie some mad fives before setting off to look for things that are "plot relevant." You're not really sure what that means, though, so you just wander around with Noman. All you really manage to find is this cool looking painting.

TAKE IT. TAKE THE PAINTING. SHOW LITTLE MAN, SHOW HIM HOW SICK IT IS.

You attempt to take the painting off of the wall, but it won't budge! It's almost like it's glued down or something. Noman might have to wait a bit until he can see this masterpiece.

Just gently grab little man and hold him up to the painting.

You quickly grab Noman from off of the floor and lift him up to the painting to admire it. He doesn't seem to get it, though.

N: "What the... oh. Wow, what a lovely painting. Now, put me down, Marvs! I'm not a baby, you know."

"Yeah but your shaped like one." Now put the little man down

You start to lower Noman back down. He's had enough of thiohmygod thepaintingjustmoved

Move him left and right vigorously

By "him," I'm going to assume you are referring to Noman. That's because you've just started shaking Noman really fast! You don't know much more he can take, but you seem to intend on finding out!

Shake little man less vigorously but keep shaking him none the less.

Grammatical errors aside, you slow your shaking so as not to kill Noman. The painting seems to have other plans. It reaches out from the wall with a gaping maw and chomps down hard on Noman! You pull your hands back instinctively to not hurt your hands.

NOOO, PUT YOU HANDS IN THE MOUTH, SAVE THE LITTLE MAN :'[

You try to save your little friend, but the painting thing retracts into the frame! There is now a hole in the wall. All you manage to do is flail around a bit and attempt to climb into the hole.

Go back into the other room

You return to the room you started out in. The walls now have two holes.

Grab that chair and pull it over a bit, get on it and through the hole.

You drag the chair over to the hole and hoist yourself high enough to fit. However, upon entering the hole, you find that you are stuck! Your head is far enough through so that you can see into the other room. The strange monster is just... standing there. You can see Noman struggling inside of it.

PUSH THROUGH YOU NITWIT. YOU HAVE TO SAVE LITTLE MANNNNN

You begin the long process of getting yourself unstuck. It dawns on you that you really could've just walked through the door.

The strange creature jumps into the air towards the wall above the shelf.

Just get out of the hole

It's not as easy as you'd think! You can't go back to the other end, so you continue to push. You can feel yourself get a little more loose.

The creature sinks itself into the wall, forming another hole. It is currently sitting in the hole, eerily smiling as always.

Keep trying, you literally can't give up cause little man

Your extreme willpower sends you flying out of the hole. Freedom at last! Unfortunately, it looks like that creature who took Noman got away. It must've escaped out of the now-empty hole above the shelf.

Go through the hole the hole monster picture thing went through.

Yeesh. You're not too sure about that one. It's unlikely that you could get onto that shelf, let alone get through a hole like that again. There's got to be a better way in there than that!

Well, get sure and go through.

What the hell is a "sure," and how are you supposed to get one in a place like this? This obviously makes absolutely no sense at all, and you choose not to recognize this idea as valid.

In other news, you're not going through the hole. There is absolutely no benefit to doing so, and it will not happen.

Cry nonexistent tears then and weep the loss of your only friend who has trajectories been lost.

Boo-hoo. It's so sad to think that there's literally no way to cross through that wall and save your friend. If only there was some kind of rectangular gateway with a knob affixed to it that may allow you to go between rooms, specifically that wall.

If only.

Go through tiny door???

Oh, that's right! Noman left his door unlocked from earlier! Despite the fact that the door is much smaller than the hole, it is 102% easier to go through due to the fact that it is a door. This is because doors are naturally made to go through, duh! You slip through with ease.

Observe the other side of that door

You are now inside of Noman's nome home. It smells like toast in here.

Get little man out of terrible creature freak.

You notice that the "terrible creature freak" is sleeping in what appears to be an average-size pet bed, but you do not know how to approach it yet. You must come up with a plan on how to get Noman out of there.

Poke it

You administer a hearty poke to the foul beast. Strangely, it is undeterred by your actions. You note that the skin of this creature feels like the surface of a canvas for some reason.

Stick your hand in its mouth

You muster up the courage to plunder into the depths of the creature's mouth. You stick your arm in there with wild abandon, and the creature remains asleep. This guy must be down for the count!

Your hand is inside of the creature. You can feel Noman's hair! This means that he's still in there, hopefully alright.

Yoink little man out by the hair

Your attempt to save Noman was an astounding success! He is now free from the domain of the monster's mouth, free to roam the world once more! However, it seems that your troubles aren't over quite yet. The creature finally woke up from the sudden movement and is beginning to take in what is happening.

Pick up coat rack thing and bash the monsters head in

With many a swift motion, you remove Noman's clothes off of the coat rack before using it to beat down the monster. To no one's surprise, it doesn't seem very pleased to have its head be smooshed like a lump of dough. It begins to rise from the bed, also like a lump of dough.

Ooh kill 'em, kill 'em ooh. Ooh kill.

You make a brash attempt at "Ooh killing 'em." With passion and vigor, you leap up and kick the beast into the wall opposite yourself. The beast has no time to react and suffers great relative health loss. Aside from that, however, it appears to have not been "Ooh, killed." Blunt force isn't doing the trick.

It is fun to beat the crap out of this guy, though.

Stop ooh killing him for moment and get outta there, with little man too.

Your kick manages to knock the monster out for a moment. You and Noman get outta there, making sure to lock the door behind you. Despite the fact that the door is a door, it is now -2% possible to go through due to the fact that it is locked. However, that boogeyman could escape through the hole in the wall if it ever decides to wake up.

Get the thing next to the Eiffel Tower thing. Do it.

You take a gander at the object. It appears to be a single cotton swab on a plate. It comes in a stylish red color, but this isn't very interesting because most things are like that anyway. Since the object turned out to be two objects, you only put the cotton swab into your inventory.

Show little man the so called "cotton swab".

You quickly deploy the swab onto the floor for Noman's viewing pleasure. He seems rather perplexed by this weird gesture of mutual friendship. He decides to speak up about it.

"What?"

"Cotton swab." Then epic thumbs up and retrieve the cotton swab.

You send the swab back into your first inventory slot and whip out a cool thumbs-up. Noman is beginning to realize that this is just the way you are.

"Yeah, cotton swab. Sure. Whatever."

"Hell yeah little man. Now we must SCRAM." Now go through the other door (the big one) with little man in tow.

You find yourself in a familiar place.

Pick up little man and sit him down on that chair.

You plop Noman into the chair, much to his dismay. You find joy in this situation for some odd reason.

"You are in timeout now, don't move, I'm leave." Go through the other other door (right).

You arrive in the rightmost room, safe and sound. You're so glad that you didn't notice that the doorknob moved.

Stop

PAUSE

- Stats -
Relative Health: Low-ish
Absolute Health: 4
Style: Hell Yeah
???????????: N/A
????? ????: N/A

Start please ;-;

Hm? Sorry, I couldn't hear you.

Go get little man out of timeout and then come back into the room you're currently in.

You quickly grab Noman from the other room and deploy him in here faster than someone could recite what that sticky note Noman has says on it.

Oh yeah. You just love it when a plan comes together.

Put him in the sink, hair down, and turn the sink on.

You once again grab Noman and shove him somewhere, only this time, he's upside down and resting in the basin of a sink. His hair is jammed into the drain. You turn on the faucet and find that a stream of red liquid comes out at a steady pace. Noman seems a little worried.

"Uh, Marvs? Are you sure this is necessary? I'm already a little lightheaded from being put upside down."

Once little man is sufficiently soaked take him out of the sink and put him on counter, give him the cotton swab.

You proceed to marinate your little friend in dubious red liquid. After a little while, you take him out of the sink's basin and place him on the counter. You also give him the cotton swab, which he accepts without issue.

This isn't strange at all.

Give little man a sweet new hair style and pretend the cotton swab is a lollipop like the ones they give you after a haircut.

Hair styling is an art. An art you've mastered, of course.

Look at him with his little cotton swab/pretend lollipop! Noman is obviously ecstatic about his new look.

"YAY!!!!" Victory dance time!! Little man must dance too!! (PLeAse)

It's a party on the dance floor! Choo-choo cha-BOOM! You invite your little friend to dance with you, but he appears to be too emo to dance at the current moment. He's probably too busy brooding like most emo people tend to do.

Ok stop now. Finish rap from earlier for little man to enjoy because why not.

You remember your sick door-knocking rap from earlier and decide to finish it off with your signature Stenn Style.

...fright!
A little angry dude came out from a door...
He punched me in the face and onto the floor!
But that didn't matter in the end...
Because now he's my bestest friend!

Now that's a fire rap! Noman looks dissatisfied on the surface, but you know that, under the guise of his brooding self, he is truly touched by your dope lyrics.

Go check if the stove works.

You turn in the stove with a satisfying "tick."

Oh, it works, alright. Maybe a little too much. Yeah, you're almost 100% certain that this is not how stoves are supposed to work.

Splash red liquid on fire on stove.

You dip your hand into the basin of the sink. With a mighty swing, you bring up a heavy rain of red liquid onto the nearby safety hazard. Strangely, your hand isn't wet after splashing about in the water. With this in mind, it's no surprise that the fire isn't put out by it either. Then again, why would the fire go out? The stove is constantly producing more of it while it's activated!

All in all, your efforts are feeling a little futile right now.

Turn the stove off like a logical person.

Since your life has been rather illogical lately, you decide that you will become a logical person for a moment. You carefully and normally turn off the stove like someone with at least half of a brain would do. You've never felt so sensible in your life! The fire quickly diminishes, removing that danger from the room.

Just turn around and face the opposing wall

You turn around to look at the wall behind you, but you quickly realize that there isn't even a wall there! It's just a bunch of lousy, empty space. What an absolute disappointment.

Try harder to locate the wall.

Try as you might, the only wall you can locate is the one to your right (or the camera's left). There is simply no wall in that space, and quite frankly, you can't imagine one ever appearing in that very spot. For reality to shift before your very eyes would be one of the many ludicrous notions you've conjured up in the contours of your mind while taking residence in this place.

Change your view in the desired direction !!

Desired direction? Whatever do you mean? You never had any desire for a direction in the first place! Before, you were merely looking for a wall that didn't exist. To assume you associated any such direction with a scavenging such as that is absolutely inane.

Just change the view man, preferably in a left direction.

Since changing the view leftward seems to be counterproductive to what you are trying to say, Noman decides to steal the camera. It looks like he has something to say.

"Look, Marvs. I know you're stupid, but this is basic stuff. You can't just say 'turn left' because you never specified how much to turn left by. Oh, and also, you never specified if you were turning clockwise or counterclockwise. 'Left' doesn't refer to either because they can both be interpreted as turning left. If you wanted to rotate the camera around completely, just say to rotate it 180 degrees. If it's going all the way around, you don't need to clarify the direction, but less than that, you do. Got all that?"

Noman can know about and refer to the camera in this situation because he is emo.

Just rotate it 180 degrees then, geez.

ACT FOUR: A Tumble Above

In a moment of stupidity, you are so focused on flipping the camera back to its normal position that you forget to grab onto the ledge inside of the hole. You plummet to what you can only infer is your death. You lose a lot of blood upon impact.

Everything is dark. You assume this is because your eyes are closed.

Open your eyes and climb the pole again >:

You open your eyes.

You are Lance Smosh. You are currently standing in a room. From your perspective, it contains a table, a stool, a door to the right, one of those kitchen suedo-window holes, and a regular hole beneath your feet. You are feeling rather confused at the moment.

Your absolute health is now at a 9.

Quick, go through the door to your right

You open the rightmost door and are subsequently greeted by a humongous fungi.

Inspect the painting on the wall

You look at the peculiar painting stationed next to the door. It depicts a person pointing in shock at a person lacking arms. The whole thing seems rather odd to you.

You suddenly feel completely sure that this painting will not come to life.

Punch the painting, just to be sure it is not alive

Despite what your intuition has stated, you give the painting a firm beating. It leaves a small mark where you punched it.

To no one's surprise, the painting stays not alive.

Address the mushroom in the room

You look up the base of the giant mushroom that seems to be growing up from the floor. It truly is a wonderful thing. You question why it appears to have veins, though.

Poke the veins of the mushroom

You brandish a finger, thrusting it gently into one of the mushroom's many veins. It feels squishy yet solid, like one of those small bean-filled pouches that you've never heard of or felt before.

To your surprise, you hear a noise come from the top of the mushroom. It shakes ever-so-slightly.

Poke the veins, but slightly harder this time

With more forceful intentions, you strike the vein hard. You get the same result, only stronger. The noise starts to sound like... a weird chuckle?

Try to tickle the fungus thing

The swift wiggling of your digits appears to cause the large creature to come alive! It bellows out in a hearty fit of laughter because you are, in fact, tickling it.

You have now unlocked conversations. You may choose to directly talk to your surroundings by enclosing any part of your message in quotation marks.

Say to the mushroom "my good lad, what are you doing here?"

??: "I live here! In fact, I've always lived here!"

If you choose to continue the conversation without taking any actions, please note that a new panel will only be created if necessary story-wise.

Stick hand into the mushroom's mouth

You would if it weren't for the fact that this thing is towering over you by a very large amount. Besides, you don't think it would be very nice to stick your hand in the mouth of someone you just met! Either way, the mysterious mushroom doesn't seem to understand what you are attempting to do. "Are you... waving at me? Hello! I would wave back, but I don't have any arms, hehe."

Do a little dance and encourage the mushroom to join in

You break it down, dance style. Zip zoom! You are really grooving! Your impeccable dancing skills send an inviting message to your new mushroom acquaintance.

"Wow! Are you inviting me to dance with you? Gosh, I really appreciate the gesture, but I can't exactly move that much. Only my face, really!"

Say to the shroom "if you can't move your body, then what would happen if you got picked"

"I'd die."

"Don't be a baby, I died just a minute ago. Anyway, what's your name?"

T: "My name is Tobpu, I think! Who are you? And what do you mean by you died???"

"My name is Lance, Lance Smosh, guardian of the railroad spikes."

"Wow, you've met the Railroad Spikes?! I've always wanted to meet them in person! But, uh, you know. Can't really get around."

"First of all, I was joking. Second, I didn't know they were a group of sorts. Third, there is no third."

"Hehe. Well, all in all, it's nice to meet you, Lance! And, uh, if you want to know anything, I'd be happy to help you out."

Rotate the camera around

Sure, okay.

Zoom back out to see the whole room

You start to wonder where your friend went.

Yell out to Tobpu "boy, where are you boy"

You yell into the empty space where Tobpu once was to no response. Your buddy seems to be missing for now.

Investigate the phone on the table

You walk over to what appears to be an old-fashioned phone equipped with a rotary dial. If you have a phone number, you can call someone using it. That is, if you can figure out how to use that blasted dial. It is plugged into the wall, but it doesn't have any of the wires that a regular landline phone would use. Weird.

Dial 888 and see what happens

You dial up the number "888" using the rotary dial. Soon after, you realize that a standard phone number is ten characters, meaning that you lack seven whole numbers to actually call someone. You might as well add more numbers or just clear what you've entered altogether.

Add 8888888

You finish inputting the phone number into the phone. Unfortunately, it seems that the number happens to be invalid. You can tell this is the case because of the loud buzz coming from the phone.

Jesus, you'd really expect a number like that to be registered!

Investigate the contents of the right-most box

You open the box. By peering inside of it, you find:

Two (2) sandals.
One (1) wired keyboard (without a number pad).
One (1) heaper cable.
Two (2) heaper prongs.
Four (4) packets of jumbo mushroom seeds.
One (1) grain of dust.

Now that's a lot. Take out anything you like.

Take two packs of jumbo mushroom seeds

Okay, they're actually packETs, but whatever. You place the two packets of jumbo mushroom seeds in your top left and top right slotlets of your bottom left inventory slot. It occurs to you that the seeds aren't jumbo. Instead, they just grow jumbo-sized mushrooms.

Climb through the window hole, but not fully, just enough to see the room

That's no window hole, that's a monitor! It seems to be resting in an indent embedded within the wall. The screen is dark, presumably meaning that it is off. Below it is a button and a long port for some kind of weird cable.

Get the heaper cable from the box

You grab up the heaper cable, but first, you must decide how to fit it into your inventory! It fits in the space of exactly one slot (four slotlets). You can arrange it however you like.

Try to just hold the cables, like, with your hands.

H... hold? With your... hands?! You've never heard of something more disgusting or vile before. To imagine someone holding a... a pocketable item in their hands would be distasteful in the most severe of ways! Everybody knows that hands are normally used for inserting things into one's inventory, not... holding things.

Put the cable in the bottom left of your inventory

It seems that the larger portion of your bottom left slot is already occupied by the very packets you picked up just a moment ago. As such, you may not place the heaper cable into that slot. Besides, the cable's structure could not fit within only two slotlets! You must pick somewhere else to place it that is within the reasonable limits of your storage situation.

Put the cable in the bottom right slot

You finally decide where to put the heaper cable. For the sake of your inventory's consistency, you place both ends of the cable in the top of the bottom right slot, splitting the slot into two slotlabs. This turns the entirety of your bottom right slot's situation into something pretty strange. You decide to dwell on it for a moment.

The top slotlab of the slot holds the same item on both sides, hence why the two distinct sections are together and not split into slotlets. The bottom slotlab, however, doesn't contain something that is considered to be a substantial part of the item, and it is considered as something else. This stretchy section of the item is classified as a bridge. Bridges, rather than staying in the same box as the greater item, stretch the boundaries of a slotlike area. The only downside is that these bridges must have another area to rest in. Essentially, bridges create sections of slotlike areas that overlap other areas that arent obstructed by items. In some cases, however, if you were to have a slotlab on the outside boundary of your inventory, the bridge of an item has the unique ability to hang outside of the inventory! They can even stretch around the inventory from one slotlike area to another as long as the other slotlike area isn't adjacent to the first one.

You suddenly realize that you should stop thinking so hard about inventory systems.

Plug one end of the cable into the monitor and the other into the outlet below

You hold up the end of the heaper cable to the long, skinny port below the monitor. You are able to do this because the item is still technically inside of your inventory. Upon comparison, this thing wouldn't fit in there at all, and it would fit much less inside of a standard wall outlet! This isn't the right cable for the job.

Replace the cable with the keyboard inside the box

You put the not keyboard back into the box, and you draw the wired keyboard out instead. Due to the new boundaries that have appeared in your inventory, there is only one reasonable way to fit it. You place the keyboard part into your bottom right slot's top slotlab, the bridge over the bottom slotlab, and the plug part into your bottom left slot's bottom left slotlet.

This keyboard is pretty peculiar. In addition to lacking a number pad, there is a notable lack of any keys that aren't "M," "N," or "Y." Not to mention that weirdly flat plug. You fail to see how this keyboard could be used to type much of anything.

Plug the keyboard into the flat slot under the monitor

You plug the keyboard into the wall, the plug fitting right into the port. With a bit of work, you manage to balance the keyboard on the phone. You look over your sick, presumed computer setup with much pride.

Type NY into the keyboard

You type "NY" into the strange-looking keyboard. Unsurprisingly, nothing happens. You assume this is because the screen in front of you either lacks power or is simply not turned on.

Look inside the box to left

You attempt to look inside the box next to you, but you realize that this is just a box-shaped cube of some sort. There's not even any flaps to open it! It has a sticky note stuck to the side of it, but aside from that, this cube is completely without notable features.

Read the sticky note